Gluten Free Singles is an online dating, networking, and informative website where you never have to feel alone, awkward, or a burden because you are gluten-free. Our website is a welcoming place where people can find gluten-free dating partners, friends, and activity groups.

Aug 08 2017

Teens and Young Adults Need Help Developing Mature Romantic Relationships

Published by under Dating,Relationships

Young adults, mature relationship

Young adults are struggling to create mature romantic relationships. Is it because you’ve been too embarrassed to give them advice? Photo via Visual Hunt

There has been a lot of chatter in the news and more than a little parental fretting over the last few years about “hook-up culture” among teens and young adults. However, perhaps we should be worried less about the rise in casual sex and more about how today’s young adults are struggling and oftentimes failing to create mature romantic relationships.

The Harvard Graduate School of Education recently released a report titled “The Talk: How Adults Can Promote Young People’s Healthy Relationships and Prevent Misogyny and Sexual Harassment.” The report was written after years of research, surveys of over 3,000 young adults (18 -25 years old), and numerous in-depth interviews.

Among the bombshell findings of the report is that teens aren’t engaging in hook-up culture nearly as much as most adults seem to fear. However, they ARE struggling to figure out how to develop adult romantic relationships. According to the report, 70% of survey respondents “reported wishing they had received more information from parents about some emotional aspect of romantic relationships.”

Another surprising and disturbing find is that the “research suggests that a majority of parents and educators aren’t discussing with young people basic issues related to consent.” This includes making sure a partner wants to have sex, making sure you want to have sex, not pressuring a partner into having sex, and learning to determine if a partner is too intoxicated to give consent.


Yes, the results of this survey look bad, but there is a silver lining. It seems like our next great generation isn’t as crass and casual about sex as so many of us feared. Many of our young adults actually want to have deeper, more profound and emotionally connected relationships…they just don’t know how. They also don’t know how to talk to parents and other adults about that tricky and uncomfortable topic of consent.

What this means is that we all have to step up. Even if you don’t have children yourself, you might have nieces and nephews. You might be an educator, a counselor, a coach, or someone else who can act as a friend or mentor to a younger person. If you are a younger person who has questions, ask them. Yes, it’s going to be awkward and possibly embarrassing, but don’t you actually want to know how to have a healthy relationship? Isn’t it pretty important to know what counts as consent and what doesn’t? If you don’t feel comfortable going to your parents, ask another adult in your life, ideally someone you respect who is in a stable, loving relationship that you would like to have for yourself one day.

Let’s not be squeamish about this, people. Our young generation needs our wisdom and our help. Don’t let the comfort of silence lead to messy, unhealthy relationships, or worse!

Check out a good recap of the report from Science Daily. There’s a lot of other good stuff that we didn’t cover in this article.

No responses yet

Jul 11 2017

No, a Gluten Allergy Isn’t All in Your Head

Published by under Gluten Free,Health

Woman with headache, gluten allergy

You aren’t crazy or making it up! A gluten allergy is a real thing, and if you think you have one, check with your doctor. Photo via VisualHunt

“It’s all in your head.”

If you suffer from gluten intolerance, a gluten allergy, or celiac disease, I just know you’ve heard those words more times than you can count. For a certain sub-set of people, if you aren’t gushing blood or a piece of bone isn’t sticking out of your skin, then any pain or discomfort you feel is just a desperate cry for attention. Too bad they can’t feel your pounding headache, the way your joints feel like they rusted together, or know about the apocalypse that keeps happening in the bathroom.

Well, we are here to tell you that, “No, your gluten allergy is not in your head!” That goes for gluten intolerance and celiac disease as well. I’m just writing this particular article on gluten allergies, because a friend of mine dismissed the notion that gluten allergies exist the other day. You bet I set him right, and here’s how you can set all those doubters and haters in your life right, too!

A Quick Recap on Allergies

What exactly are allergies? There are tons of them out in the world. People are allergic to pollen, dogs, latex, mold, and even certain foods. (Funny how no one seems to doubt the person jabbing an EpiPen into their neck of faking a peanut allergy.)

Allergies are extremely common, and they happen when the body’s immune system mistakes something harmless (like grass, your dog’s saliva, or gluten) for an enemy. When the body comes in contact with an allergen, the immune system goes into overdrive. That can result in watery eyes, sneezing, hives, or even a throat that swells up.

Gluten Allergies

No one doubts that a person can be allergic to peanuts, lactose, eggs, or soy, but for some reason gluten doesn’t get the same respect. Yet, according to, there are actually five different types of gluten allergies.

In many ways, a gluten allergy mimics symptoms of celiac disease but usually to a lesser degree. When a person with the allergy consumes gluten or gliadin (which helps form the gluten protein), the immune system goes berserk, attacking the small intestine. This can lead to all the delightful symptoms we gluten-allergic enjoy so much, like stomach cramps, bloating, diarrhea, general fatigue, brain fog, depression, headaches, and even dandruff (as if all the proceeding symptoms weren’t humiliating enough).

Gluten allergies are hard to diagnose, especially because the symptoms can vary and because…well, sometimes a headache is just a headache. Still, that’s no reason to dismiss gluten allergies altogether. We may not be gushing blood out of our eyeballs, but have you ever spent two days feeling as bloated as water balloon? That’s suffering, right there.

So, here’s what you tell your skeptical friends: Have a little respect for the gluten allergy sufferer!

No responses yet

Jun 13 2017

Ten Great Gluten-Free Snacks for Summer

Published by under Food,Gluten Free

Hemp Love Lavender Chocolate Bars

Mmmm, these Hemp Love organic, vegan, gluten-free lavender chocolate bars are just one of our favorite gluten-free snacks for summer.

Summer is coming. It’s time for shorts, flip-flops, and days out in the sun. Since you’re going to be more active, better make sure you have the right fuel so you can keep going and going like the Energizer Bunny. Now that food manufacturers are finally getting with the program, you have more gluten-free snacks than ever to choose from. Here are some of our absolute favorite gluten-free snacks for summer.

  1. Quinn Sea Salt Pretzels

You won’t be able to stop munching on these tasty pretzels, which contain whole grain sorghum flour, apple cider vinegar, and organic wildflower blossom honey. It’s non-GMO too, just in case you were wondering.

  1. Sejoyia Brussel Bytes

These aren’t your momma’s Brussel sprouts, we promise. These crunchy snacks are vegan, organic, and (of course) gluten-free. They also come in some tantalizing flavors, like cheezy herb, chili pumpkin seed crunch and tamarino apple.

  1. Simple Mills Fine Ground Almond Flour Crackers

It’s the summer, which means hummus time, but if you’re tired of dipping in carrots and celery, bring over these crunchy, tasty crackers. They’re made with almond flour, flax seeds, and sunflower seeds. You might not even need that hummus after all.

  1. Homefree Lemon Burst Mini Cookies

Need something a little sweet for when your friends bust out their cookies and brownies? Try these tart little cookie gems. They are your allergen-free oasis. No gluten, diary, or nuts, and they’re shaped like lemon wedges. How cut is that!

  1. Viki’s Granola

Put it in your cereal bowl first thing in the morning, stash it in your desk for a mid-afternoon power push, or bring it on the trail to share with your favorite hiking buddies. This tasty and filling granola is made with gluten-free oats and organic honey.

  1. Live Love Pop Popcorn

Shhh! The movie is starting! Nothing goes with a romantic comedy on a warm summer night than this tasty kettle-cooked popcorn. Watch the hero get the girl as you crunch away on flavors like, honey bbq, lime fresco, salt & vinegar, and truffle salt.

  1. Three Jerks Filet Mignon Beef Jerky

Does your summer schedule include hiking, camping, or a day-long mountain bike? Then make sure you bring some protein along. This beef jerky makes the perfect post-workout refuel. Did we mention it is filet mignon? Yeah, only the best for you!

  1. Hippeas Organic Chickpea Puffs

Have a craving to stuff your mouth with a handful of delicious chips? Grab some chickpea puffs instead. Not only are they worlds healthier for you, but they’re also gluten-free and won’t send your tummy into a tailspin. You’ll be surprised at how tasty these guys are.

  1. Kind Bars

There’s never a bad time to munch on a Kind Bar. They can serve as a snack on the trail or the office or even tide you over if you’re too busy to sit down for a proper meal. Kind bars come in many different flavors and always include yummy, (mostly) healthy ingredients. When we want to indulge, we go with the Dark Chocolate Nuts & Sea Salt bars.

  1. Hemp Love Chocolate Bars

When it’s time to get a little devilish, you can go to the dark side, but that doesn’t mean you have to throw your healthy eating plan out the window. Try these amazing organic, vegan, and gluten-free chocolate bars from Hemp Love. Each bar includes hemp seeds (no THC, it’s not that kind of edible), which are rich in healthy fats. So, you’ll feel a little better even when you indulge. The lavender bar is truly worth a try!

Did we miss any great gluten-free snacks for summer? Tell us which of your favorites we should have added to our list.

No responses yet

May 22 2017

Educate Yourself About Celiac Disease for Celiac Awareness Month

Published by under Celiac,Lifestyle


May is Celiac Disease Awareness Month. Photo via Visual Hunt

When you tell new acquaintances that you are gluten-free, you might receive an eye roll for your trouble. It’s true that the gluten-free diet has become a hot trend over the past few years, adopted by athletes and actors alike for a variety of reasons. Some simply believe that a gluten-free diet can lead to a healthier lifestyle. For a specific group of people, however, eating gluten-free can literally mean the difference between life and death. Welcome to celiac disease, where ingesting even a small amount of gluten (like crumbs left on an unwashed piece of silverware) can cause terrible and long lasting symptoms.

According to the Celiac Disease Center at the University of Chicago Medicine, a little less than 1% of people suffer from celiac disease. This number may be artificially low, because the symptoms are often hard to classify and many celiac sufferers have never been diagnosed. May is Celiac Awareness Month, so if you or someone you know has celiac disease, now is the time to spread the word about this disease. Here’s some great information that you can use.

What Is Celiac Disease?

Celiac disease is an autoimmune disorder. When a person with celiac consumes gluten (a protein found in wheat, barley, rye, and many manufactured foods), the immune system attacks the digestive tract, damaging villi, which line the small intestine and absorb nutrients. This makes it more difficult for the body to properly get nutrients. As a result, someone who does not address their celiac disease can suffer from nutritional deficiencies, anemia, osteoporosis, infertility, intestinal cancers, and more!

Symptoms of Celiac Disease

One of the reasons that celiac disease is so hard to diagnose is that the symptoms will vary dramatically from person to person and tend to be different between adults and children. According to the Celiac Disease Foundation, celiac disease can present with over 200 different symptoms. Some of the most common include:

  • Abdominal pain
  • Bloating
  • Diarrhea
  • Constipation
  • Weight loss
  • Fatigue
  • Vomiting
  • Anemia
  • Bone and join pain
  • Depression
  • Anxiety

If you or someone you know experiences these symptoms regularly, especially after eating meals that include bread, wheat, grains, or manufactured foods, make an appointment with your doctor and ask to be tested for celiac disease.

What Can You Do During Celiac Disease Awareness Month?

The best thing you can do during the remainder of the month of May is to raise awareness about celiac disease. If you or someone you know has the disease, share your story. Post it on social media. You may be surprised to find out how many of your friends and connections never knew you had the disease. When they learn more about the disease, they are likely to be more considerate when you ask for gluten-free food options.

If you want to do something even bigger, consider donating to a celiac-related charity, like the Celiac Disease Foundation or the Gluten Intolerance Group. According to the foundation, 86 cents of every dollar donated goes to programs that support diagnosis, treatment, and research into a cure for celiac.

No responses yet

Dec 27 2016

The Five Things You Need to Do to Fall In Love In the New Year

Couple piggy back ride.

2016 is behind you! Time to let go of the past and fall in love in the new year.

This year is almost over, and considering how weird, horrible, and downright depressing the political scene has been (and, as a result, every single person’s Facebook page), good riddance! If you don’t have anybody to kiss under the mistletoe or on New Year’s Eve, don’t let yourself drown in the holiday blues. This year is practically history. You’ve got a brand new year (with no presidential elections!) to look forward to. Anything can happen in the new year, but only if you keep your mind and heart open. In the waning days of 2016, start putting yourself in the right frame of mind to go back out there and find true love in 2017. Here’s how to prepare to fall in love in the new year:

  1. Forgive Yourself For Past Transgressions

If you are human, then it means you’ve probably screwed up more than a couple of your past relationships due to your own personal failings. That’s totally normal. Rather than beat yourself up about it, change your mental frame. Look at past mistakes not as failures, but as opportunities to learn. What hurt you in your last relationships and how can you fix these parts of yourself? Forgive yourself, and then get to work to improve yourself.

  1. Treat Yo’ Self

Have you been a sad sap throughout the holidays, trudging around in your flannel PJs, going weeks without shaving, and shoving whole villages of gingerbread men into your gullet each day? Time to snap out of it and pick yourself back up. While you work on improving your inner self, make sure you take care of your body as well. Get a nice new haircut, start hitting the gym with a friend, buy a few new outfits. It may sound shallow, but looking good on the outside does help us feel better on the inside. You are worth pampering, so treat your body well, and others will take notice by the New Year.

  1. Get Over Her/Him

You know who we are talking about. The one who broke your heart. It’s finally time to get over him or her. Stop comparing all your new relationships to the one you had before or assuming whatever sunk that past relationship is bound to happen again. If he or she cheated on you, that doesn’t mean you need to be insanely jealous or protective in your next relationship. It is time to peel that person’s iron grip off of your heart. Don’t let them control your happiness any longer. Leave them, like 2016, in the past and look at 2017 as a new start.

  1. Believe In Love Again

We know, this sounds totally sappy, but too bad. Success doesn’t come to those who expect failure, and neither does love. You may have been battered or bruised by love in the past, but if you give up hope or try to protect yourself by being cynical, you’ll never be brave enough to ask out that cute girl or hit up that trendy bar where you’ll meet him. As corny as it sounds, just making the decision to believe in love can change your mindset, and when you change the way you look at the world, everything else can change too!

  1. Put Yourself Out There

Okay, if you’ve followed all of the above tips, then you are ready to fall in love in the new year. Now all you have to do is act! The next love of your life isn’t likely to just stumble into your arms. You have to put yourself in the position to find love. Consider joining an online dating website. There are a lot of huge sites where you’ll find a big, generic group of singles that you’ll need to whittle down. You can also take the opposite tract and sign up for a niche website like, where you’ll only be matched with other people who embrace the gluten-free lifestyle. Obviously, we hope that you’ll give our site a chance if you are gluten-free and want to find a gluten-free partner, but the point is to put yourself out there in the way that you feel more comfortable. Just taking this action will make all the difference.

We believe in you and in the power of new beginnings. We know that this is your year to fall in love in the new year!

No responses yet

Dec 13 2016

The State of Gluten-Free in America

Cart in grocery store

We’ve come a long way since gluten-free foods were nearly nonexistent in grocery stores.
Photo credit: Caden Crawford via VisualHunt / CC BY-ND

As we say goodbye to 2016, it’s useful to reflect on how far the gluten-free movement has come in just a few years. It really wasn’t that long ago when gluten-free products could only be found on half a shelf in the back of specialty food stores. Over the past couple of years, conditions like celiac disease have become much more visible, as well as gluten-intolerance. Many people (and celebrities) without these conditions are embracing the gluten-free lifestyle just to try to improve their overall health and energy levels. Let’s see where the non-gluten lifestyle is in American right now.

Sales of Gluten-Free Food Are STILL Growing

Perhaps the biggest change we’ve seen over the last five years is an explosion in the amount and variety of gluten-free foods available. Food manufacturers are bending over backwards to offer gluten-free alternatives to everything from pasta, to cereal, and even brownies and cookies. It’s paying off big time for them. While we don’t have data for 2016 yet, the firm Packaged Facts found that sales of gluten-free products rose to $1.57 billion in 2015. That’s an 11% increase from the prior year!

You Can Go Out to Eat Without Fear

Food manufacturers aren’t the only ones jumping on the no-gluten bandwagon. Consumers have probably noticed more gluten-free options popping up on the menus of their favorite restaurants. That means no more risky gamble when ordering a new dish. According to DataSsential Menu Trends, 23.6% of restaurant menus now offer gluten-free options. That’s even more than organic options! It’s also an 8% rise since 2015.

More People Are Going Gluten-Free Even If They Don’t Have To

Those with celiac disease and gluten intolerance have long been forced to adopt a gluten-free lifestyle simply to protect their health. One of the most interesting trends over the past few years is the amount of people who are kicking gluten simply to improve their health. In 2016, a Euromonitor survey found that 53% of consumers were actively trying to avoid specific ingredients in the foods that they purchased. Of those, 22.4% were looking to avoid gluten, more than a 7% increase from the year before. What’s even more interesting is that according to a recent report from Packaged Facts, only 15% of consumers choose gluten-free foods because a member of their household is sensitive to gluten. Almost 30% of respondents said that they buy gluten-free products because they think these foods are healthier.

What Can We Expect in 2017?

It’s difficult to predict if all this interest in gluten-free eating is just another diet fad, or if it is here to stay. Certainly, we’ve seen growing skepticism about the health benefits of eating a gluten-free diet if you do not have a sensitivity to gluten. However, for those with celiac disease and gluten intolerance, a gluten-free lifestyle is definitely not a fad. We hope that food manufacturers and restaurant owners will continue to offer healthy, great-tasting gluten-free alternatives for those who cannot or choose not to eat gluten.

Here’s to a happy and gluten-free 2017!

No responses yet

Nov 22 2016

Five Reasons the Holidays Are the Perfect Time to Start Dating Again

Published by under Dating,Holidays,Relationships

male and female legs under a table.

Oh, it’s definitely time to start dating again!

It’s easy to convince yourself that the holidays are the WORST time to try and start dating again. You’ve got a thousand extra things to do, your parents are in town, and maybe you’ve been scarfing one too many pieces of leftover Halloween candy after your last breakup. Stop with this nonsense! The holidays are actually the perfect time to start dating again. Don’t you dare cheat yourself out of connecting with someone special just because you’re a little too busy. That’s an excuse, and not a very good one. Here are five reasons why the holidays are absolutely the very best time to light that flame of love again:

  1. Showing Up At Parties Alone Sucks

You’ve got about a million and a half parties to go to over the holidays, and walking in alone is its own form of torture. Think about how fun it is to go to parties with someone new and exciting. You have someone to dance with, sit next to during dinner, and someone to drive you home if you get a bit more than tipsy. Having a new someone special means you won’t end up in a corner watching everyone else dance while you guzzle another glass of egg nog by yourself.

  1. There Are So Many Amazing Date Opportunities

Dinner and a movie? Ugh, lame. The holidays offer tons of unique dating opportunities that you can’t do (or get away with) any other time of the year. How about going to a haunted house together so you can cling to each other when some freaky zombie jumps out at you? Or what about ice skating outdoors in November and laughing with your boo when you take a tumble. Christmas can mean rocking out to Christmas music while you wrap presents together, watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas in front of the fire, or making gluten-free Christmas cookies, which you plan to bring to a party but end up eating together. Yeah, those are some tasty date options!

  1. You Get to Buy Each Other Presents

New love is full of ooey gooey romance, and there’s no better way to express your feelings than with a well thought-out gift. Christmas or Hanukah allows you to do some creative brainstorming and to buy your new partner-in-crime something truly special. It’s so wonderful to watch her eyes light up when she reads your sappy poem and slips on the necklace you got her, or when he jumps up and down waving his football tickets in the air. Don’t forget that there’s a flip side to the gift-giving coin. You get a gift too! What will it be?

  1. You’ll Have Someone to Kiss at New Year’s

There’s no bigger bummer than having no one to kiss when the clock strikes midnight on the old year. It’s not just about having no one in your arms in that single moment; it’s about looking back at the year and realizing your missed opportunities. This isn’t about just finding someone so you have a person to kiss. It’s really about opening your heart and inviting someone special into your life. Which brings us to our final point…

  1. There’s Never a Bad Time to Start Dating Again

Here’s a little secret that really isn’t a secret at all – any time of the year is the perfect time to start dating again. That’s because you never know when you are going to find that someone special who is going to sweep your heart away. Love has no season or expiration date. When you are ready, get out there and start looking. The love of your life could be looking too.

From us at, we wish you much love and joy in the holiday season!

No responses yet

Nov 09 2016

Do You Promise to Keep Her Gluten-, Corn-, and Diary-Free for as Long as You Both Shall Live?

gluten-free couple getting married

You may kiss the bride! Photo courtesy of

Our First Gluten-Free Couple Gets Married!

Think that it’s impossible to find the gluten-free love of your life? Dale Graff and Pia Strobel are a gluten-free couple that prove that love can transcend any distance and eating restrictions! Last year, we told you the story of Dale, who had trouble finding love in his small town of 40,000 in Montana. Dale, who has been living with celiac disease for almost ten years, was skeptical when he signed up to However, it wasn’t too long before he received a message from Pia, who lived over 2,300 miles away in Connecticut.

What can we say! Love was in the air, and less than a year later, Pia was packing her bags and heading to Montana to live with Dale.

Dale and Pia Tie the Knot

On August 26, 2016, the happy, gluten-free couple bound their lives together forever in matrimony. We were so thrilled that we were invited to the beautiful ceremony! The wedding took place at a secluded cabin in the middle of the Montana forest. As two children played the violin, Pia walked through the tall grasses, toward Dale with a big smile on her face. In a solemn voice, the minister said, “Dale, will you honor and keep her gluten-, corn-, and dairy-free for as long as you both shall live?” The crowd chuckled as Dale gave an enthusiastic “Yes!”

“Pia, will you honor and keep him gluten-, and diary-free as long as you both shall live?”

Gazing into Dale’s eyes, Pia said, “Yes.”

When the couple kissed, the crowd of family and close friends cheered. Then it was time to eat, drink, toast, and party! We all enjoyed the gluten-free and diary-free dinner, and the delicious gluten-free and diary-free cake was to die for! As the campfire crackled and popped, we danced throughout the night, swept away on the powerful currents of love.

Never Give Up On Love

Finding true love may seem nearly impossible, even on a good day. If you are living the gluten-free lifestyle, you may think that there is no one in the world who will understand, support, and appreciate you and your lifestyle habits. Pia and Dale had to look across the entire United States to find their match, but they did it, and you can too! Dale and Pia’s story is a reminder to never give up on love and to never stop looking.

One way to increase your chances of finding someone who shares your gluten-free lifestyle is to sign up for Here, you can find people who really do understand you and who are looking for love, too. Sign up today. Maybe your future bride or groom is already here, waiting for you.

No responses yet

Nov 08 2016

Need Help Getting Through the Holidays Gluten-Free? Hang Out with More Gluten-Free People

snowman dolls

Want to make it through the holidays gluten-free? Your gluten-free friends can help!

It can be hard to stick to gluten-free holidays. Mmmmmm stuffing and fluffy rolls, and pumpkin pie over Thanksgiving. Gingerbread cookies in the breakroom at work. Homemade lasagna at your boss’s holiday party. The holidays have a way of throwing us off our game. Not only are we surrounded by more gluten-free food than ever, but the holidays are often a time when we find ourselves attending many different parties and dinners where we have no control over what food is served. Even the staunchest gluten-free eater can be tempted to grab a serving of that amazing looking lasagna, despite the uncomfortable consequences that are sure to follow.

How can we gluten-free eaters possibly survive the holidays? You’ve probably already learned the trick of keeping a few of your favorite gluten-free snacks in your pocket so that you always have something to munch on if you find yourself at a gathering with no gluten-free options. You may even be adept at politely mentioning your gluten-free needs to party hosts so you can make sure at least one dish will be gluten-free.

However, the goal is not just to survive over the holidays, but to thrive! Sticking to a gluten-free diet can be a lonely road, and the holidays are the time of year where your differences can seem starker than ever. What to do?

Find Some Gluten-Free Friends

The best way to survive the holidays without falling off the gluten-free bandwagon is to find and invite other gluten-free people into your life. Other gluten-free eaters will totally understand your gluten-related stresses. Sometimes it’s just enough that someone is willing to listen.

We all know that it is easier to go on a diet or stick to an exercise goal when our friends or family members do it with us. The same principle applies when it comes to staying gluten-free. Spending time with other gluten-free people can help strengthen your resolve and also make you feel part of a larger community.

Where to Find Other Gluten-Free People

Well, if you happen to be single, why not kill two birds with one stone and find a new gluten-free best friend who can also be your little cuddly wuddly bear at the same time? Check out and start looking for a new romantic partner in your area today.

Already in a relationship or so not ready for a new romance right now? We get it. isn’t your only avenue to find gluten-free friendship. Check out the Gluten Intolerance Group. This online platform not only includes tons of great information about the gluten-free community, but you can also find and join local GIG groups, which hold meetings, events, and fundraisers to advocate for the gluten-free lifestyle. You are sure to find some great friends in these groups. Join a local group today, and stay strong during the holidays!

No responses yet

Jun 21 2016

Does Online Dating Make You Mean?

Hands on a keyboard

Never forget that there’s another person on the other side of the screen. Photo via Visual Hunt

If you’ve tried out online dating for any length of time, you’ve almost certainly been on the receiving end of what I’ll call, “the disappearing act.” Someone catches your eye. You message them, and bingo! they respond back. The two of you send a few messages back and forth, and you start to feel those first fluttery butterfly wings in your stomach. …And then nothing. Poof. Your Prince of Princess Charming is gone. He or she doesn’t respond to your next message or the one after that. Your new budding relationship is over before it started, leaving you feeling frustrated, angry, and self-conscious.

Internet dating, for all of its conveniences, also puts us at a distance from the people on the other side of the screen. When you’re messaging someone who is only a profile and a few pictures to you, it is much easier to walk away without a second thought. You would never stand up in the middle of a first date and walk out of the restaurant without a really good reason, but many of us do the equivalent all the time online. The thing to remember is that the person on the other end of the messages is a real human being with real feelings. I think it’s time that we buck the trend of the disappearing act and try to add a little more kindness to the realm of online dating.

Respectful First Message

The first step towards creating more civility online is to stop it with all the gross, objectifying come-ons. Every girl appreciates a compliment, but if every first message you send is something along the lines of, “Hey girl, when can I slap that fine booty?” you are going to reel in a lot of nothing. Worse, these types of pick-ups are just icky. A simple hello and a quick question related to that person’s stated interests from their profile is a great way to kick off a new message.

Don’t Disappear

It’s fine not to respond to a first message from someone you aren’t interested in, but if you start a conversation with another single, then you officially owe them an explanation if you decide to bail. You don’t have to give a long goodbye or even the whole truth. It can as simple as sending them a quick note that you have become too busy at work and can’t focus on dating right now or that you started seeing someone and want to give that relationship a try. This at least doesn’t leave the other person forever miffed at what went wrong.

Stick it Out Through the Date

Sometimes a person can come off as brilliant and suave online or over the phone, but the reality is something completely different. Even if a first date reveals that your hot new dating prospect is ten years older and 20 pounds heavier than he implied and that his great job is actually kind of a freelance thing he does after he gets home from his fast food shift…try to stick it out. Leaving in the middle of a date or cutting it short is a cruel thing to do to someone else. Consider this an opportunity to meet someone new, try out some icebreakers, and put one down to experience. Of course, if your date is a true monster, it’s okay to call it quits early.

Avoid the Slow Fade

A lot of people, especially my fellow millennials, have developed the habit of the slow fade. You aren’t really interested in someone, but instead of just ending the relationship, you answer their texts less and less often, find excuses to turn down dates, and finally stop responding altogether. Those who use the slow fade technique will claim that this saves the other person’s feelings. I call B.S. on this excuse. The slow fade is a cowardly and/or lazy move that allows the fader to avoid the difficult breakup conversation. Being on the other end of a slow fade is confusing and hurtful; much more so than a quick and polite breakup. Be a confident person and show your partner respect by letting them know up front that you don’t think a relationship will work between the two of you.

Handle Rejection Maturely

Rejection happens to us all, and it can be extremely painful, especially if you don’t see it coming. As hard as it is, try to accept rejection with maturity. If your ex tells you upfront instead of playing the ghosting or slow fade game, then they are doing you a solid. Don’t make the process more difficult by throwing a tantrum or lashing out. After all, the online dating world means you have more people than ever to choose from. Give yourself a couple of days to drown your sorrow with your favorite brew or ice cream flavor of choice, and then get back up on that dating horse!

No responses yet

Next »